Never Fear Network Congestion with "Data Priority Service" from Rogers

Rumour has it that Rogers is considering a priority-based access system to data services during times of network congestion. Customers who elect to pay for this service would have their data usage prioritized over that of those who do not. For a meager $10 a month, you can rest assured that you are less likely to experience the effects of network congestion while streaming a video or surfing your favourite website. During an earthquake. While everyone around you is trying, desperately, to tweet about it.

"The Data Priority Service is a new premium service that guarantees that in the event of any wireless network congestion, your data will be sent and received first. In other words, the Data Priority Service ensures that during busy network times, a subscriber’s data is always sent first, so if the subscriber to this service is web browsing and/or watching an online video on their mobile device they will be less likely than a non-subscriber to this service to be affected by any network congestion."

Let's assume, for a moment, that this is actually reasonable. I have an equally reasonable offer for Rogers. My service is called the Payment Priority Service. Incidentally, it also costs $10 per month.

This service is a premium service that guarantees that in the event of any cash-flow problems on my end, my monthly Rogers bill will be paid first. In other words, the Payment Priority Service ensures that during difficult financial times, my Rogers bill is always paid first so if Rogers is shrinking local calling areas and/or trying to charge random fees they will be less likely than a non-subscriber to this service to be affected by any financial difficulties I may encounter.